Stuck

So in the end we met, made up, and things kind of came back to where it stopped.

I thought that one month he might have changed, maybe he realized that what he did was wrong. Sure he knew he took a decision too fast, but I don't think that he even changed.

Am I falling back in his well?

I've managed to get halfway out and then I let go of the rope. Drenched in his sweet words, actions, and lies.

I'm disappointed that he just wants me when he doesn't have me. And when he does, he goes back to the usual habit. I really want to let go but why can't I?

Why can't I release myself from his trap?

He made it pretty blunt that this is just fun and games for him and he sees nothing more to it. Sure he likes me, but I'll never be someone he can be with forever. I wish I could think the same and relax but unfortunately I don't work like that.

I'm looking for real love, the love where you just let things flow and if it's meant to be then it's meant to be. I don't want a love that is set from the beginning. What's the point of trying if you've set something to fail before it began?

I want a mutual love, where I know I love him and he loves me. Where I don't need to worry that he will leave me because I trust him and he makes the effort to keep my trust. Where I know that both of us are trying every single day.

Why can't he feel the same way?

I thought I would be happier if I was with him, but it gave me more anxiety and stress instead. It's silly isn't it? To stay at such a toxic relationship.

How to run away from you?