Regret

It's been a month since it was over.

As told by sex and the city, it takes half of the total amount of time you were together with someone to get over them.

But why can't I get over him?

When I thought my tears were done for him, it comes back again. Reminiscing the times we were together, sugar coating all the insecurities he made me feel. I remember how he used to love me so much in the beginning and suddenly just stopped out of nowhere when I was starting to love him back.

Is this a curse? Do women always fall for men who stopped chasing after them?

I wonder every night about whether he thinks about me before he goes to sleep as much as I think about him. I wonder if he misses me, if he wanted to talk to me. It's silly isn't it? To put so much thought on someone who might not even care about you.

I hate how he could control how I feel, how he could control my emotions and play God.

Funny part is - he doesn't even know it.

I wait every single day for him to come back. I know at the back of my mind that it will never happen, but what if? What if?

I'm meeting him this Saturday. We're hanging out so that he could return my stuff. I know that this will not have a good ending and I'll go back to ground zero. I know I will get hurt so much by seeing him and knowing that he doesn't love me as much as I love him. But again, what if?
What if when he sees me, he realizes how much he misses me? Maybe he might regret leaving me.

Why am I setting my own trap?

We shouldn't have even done this in the first place.

I regret the day I met you, the day I let you in, the day I introduced you to my friends and family, and the day you broke my heart.